[ANNOUNCEMENT] Debates

I love debates. Even on inconsequential topics, exempli gratia cats v. dogs, the meaning of life, religion, animals, movies, philosophical bents, et cetera. This is why I will be starting some debates with myself. Now, you may be asking; "Won't you be biased towards one side or the other?" That is a good question. As a mostly neutral individual, I strive to give both sides good merit using research and facts. For instance, if I were to be arguing as a Catholic (I'm not), then I would back myself up with the Bible, catechisms, and various other sources.

So, that's something to which to look forward.

SquareSpace and Advertising

*This post was not sponsored by SquareSpace*

Okay, look. Everything is sponsored by SquareSpace. Gregory Austin McConnell even made a video about it. But the point I'm trying to make isn't why, it's how. How do ad reads work? Well, for one, you need to follow a template and provide all the necessary information. SquareSpace uses the phrase, "beautiful designer templates". Most Hello Fresh or Blue Apron ad reads contain some variation of, "if a stupid YouTuber like me can do it, you can too!" Honey has, "one simple click and you're done!" So, all you need is some information and a catchy phrase? Doesn't that make this an ad read:

Product X. It's simple, but effective!

Well, actually, no. Not really, anyway. If we went back a decade or two, sure, it would be serviceable. Just repeat it a few times with a visual it'll be fine. Wait. A visual? Of course! You can't just have text on the television screen or dull words coming through the radio; You have to catch the listener's attention. Maybe a wacky font, or a diagram of how the product works. I mean, if this isn't top-level marketing, I don't know what is:

An ad with a wacky font and a diagram

Yeah, okay, okay. That... was perfectly fine. It wasn't good, but it also wasn't bad. You know, do you know that I know that you probably know that most viewers of advertisements are using mobile devices? You need to make an advertisement that is mobile-friendly. Also, you know that most mobile users are kids, right? That means that through the transitive property, most advertisements are seen by children! Children do not have high attention spans! You know what this means, right? We have to catch children's attention with something that they want to see, regardless of the actual product is. Something so eye-catching that they cannot look away. So, flashy colours and candy! That's what kids like! Here we go:

Ooh! The 90s are back in style!

Not good enough. What are we missing here? Oh, right, of course! In order to appeal to children, we must use the language of the kids and teens! Maybe we should update the font to the modern day too, that might be helpful. Also, also, also! We should make it look like a real phone screen! Like those Blackberry's that people have today, or their Zune's! Here's a good one! Add one of those newfangled "meme"'s the kids are always talking about! This will be a success:

Okay, if you just died from this image, it's okay, I did too.

But no, really. Everything I've said up until this point has been satire. Do not follow the advice past Product X. Here is some real advice:

Keep it simple, stupid.

If you're selling something, get right to the point. Don't add any unnecessary visuals. Don't go overboard with effects. Most importantly, understand your target audience. The majority of kids don't actually use the words 'fleek' or 'woke' unironically. Understand what your audience actually wants before trying to appeal to them. The examples shown weren't completely fictional. Advertisements that use the basic structure of Product X94 actually exist. If you use Product X94's advertisement strategy, you are setting your company up for failure. You will give the company a bad reputation and no one would ever want to buy your product. Just... keep it simple.